


Turn The Page

by allofuswithwings



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Magic Revealed, No Spoilers, Season/Series 03, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 18:07:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofuswithwings/pseuds/allofuswithwings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a time of vulnerability, Merlin accidentally exposes the biggest secret he has to Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>You and I are the same thing</i><br/><i>Simple yet we complicate the design</i><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn The Page

**Author's Note:**

> I realised I hadn't uploaded this one from my LJ for some reason. Have some more angst to go with your end-of-series angst.  
> Title (and quote) taken from lyrics of Big by Dead Letter Circus.

~*~  
  
Merlin couldn’t take it when Arthur did it like this.  
  
It was too much – _far_ too much – for his body to handle. For his head to handle. For his _soul_ to handle.  
  
Thrown down on his back on Arthur’s bed, trousers pulled off, legs hitched up; with the Prince pressed down over him, buried so deep inside his body. Driving in and out, one of Arthur’s hands gripped on his thigh, the other pinning his hand beside his head, their fingers interlaced.  
  
And Arthur’s eyes, wide and blue, boring down into him while he fucked him.  
  
That was what truly did it, made Merlin come undone.  
  
It had been easier when it’d started, especially that first time. Merlin remembered it well.  
  
They’d been struggling to remove the Prince’s dress clothes after a banquet, the two of them bickering and wrestling as usual, when Arthur had given him a look. _That_ look; the one he’d seen only a few times, directed at the Prince’s conquests. Merlin had returned it, and the next thing he knew he had his hands down Arthur’s trousers, with the Prince tearing open his shirt and grabbing a fistful of the warlock’s dark hair.  
  
Arthur had shoved him face-down over the side of the bed and fucked him without speaking a word, just grunting and gasping and expelling hot breaths onto the back of Merlin’s neck. It had only taken a minute or two for the Prince to finish that first time, and Merlin didn’t come at all; he was left messy, dishevelled and trembling against the linen of the bed.  
  
The occasions after that were different, more pleasurable for him, though recently their involvement had increased to a level where Merlin could hardly bear the intensity of it. Like now.  
  
He felt like the stitching of his very being was coming apart, and letting his soul spill out all over for Arthur to see. It made him feel nervous and vulnerable, and drew short, high whines from the back of his throat as Arthur plunged deeper inside him. Merlin was trembling, holding onto the Prince for dear life, and he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.  
  
Especially when Arthur whispered, murmured, against his mouth like that. Mutterings about trust, loyalty and companionship – half-formed sentences and thoughts – fell from Arthur’s lips in a flood of passion and emotion. He pressed his damp forehead against Merlin’s and opened his eyes, pinning the warlock to the spot with his heavy gaze, his hips still rocking in a steady rhythm.  
  
Merlin let his back arch, eyelids fluttering shut for a moment, and exhaled a moan against Arthur’s lips. It was a cry of want as much as a cry of pleasure; he yearned to lift his mouth up to kiss Arthur, knowing full well he could do no such thing.  
  
They never kissed. Never. It wasn’t what this was. Though Merlin longed it to be. The sensations and emotions Arthur fuelled in him when they did this, meant he wanted and needed it to be more than just the Prince gaining convenient relief.  
  
Merlin felt so raw, so open and so _much_ with Arthur deep inside him like this; it wasn’t like anything he’d ever experienced. He was having trouble controlling it, controlling himself. The warlock opened his eyes again as he felt a swell of sensation in his chest, and gripped Arthur’s hand tighter, his mouth falling open to let out a soft gasp.  
  
Suddenly, a bright, orange light crackled around them, illuminating the bed and Arthur above in the dim room, and Merlin felt the energy slither across his skin, setting it alight. Arthur jolted in shock, his eyes wide, and it was then that the warlock realised it wasn’t the work of outside forces; the magic was coming from _him_.  
  
Arthur jerked back, pulling out abruptly and making Merlin groan at the jarring sensation, before scrambling off the bed and away from his servant. He backed across the floor, stumbling and tying his trousers up, eyes never leaving Merlin for a second, wide with shock and anger. The Prince reached for his sword, wrenching it from its scabbard, and then pointed it at Merlin, posture one of defence.  
  
“ _You_ ,” Arthur growled, his eyes flashing.  
  
Shaking as he hurriedly pulled his own trousers back on, Merlin held a hand out in surrender.  
  
“W-Wait, I can explain.”  
  
“ _Sorcerer_ ,” Arthur spat.  
  
He tensed and raised his sword a little more as Merlin stood up off the bed, moving toward the Prince slightly. Expression apologetic and distressed, the warlock gave Arthur a pleading look.  
  
“It’s not what you think – I’m not—”  
  
“Don’t tell me that wasn’t you— I could _feel_ it, I could _see_ it!” the Prince interrupted. “Your eyes glowed with the corruption of magic!”  
  
Merlin swallowed, edging closer until Arthur faked a lunge at him and he backed up a little.  
  
“Stay _away_ from me!” Arthur barked.  
  
“Please, Arthur, it’s me—Merlin! You know me!”  
  
“Clearly, I don’t.”  
  
“You _do_. Please, don’t be like this,” Merlin implored him, his voice shaking. “I’m still me.”  
  
“I don’t know what you are. Other than a liar. And a deceiver.”  
  
Merlin could see hurt mixed in Arthur’s expressions of anger and contempt, and he felt his heart stick in his throat as he struggled to explain and make the Prince understand.  
  
“I’m your servant, and your friend. I’m still the same person I always was.”  
  
“Oh, is that right?”  
  
Merlin’s eyes bored into Arthur’s own, desperate and pleading, his brow furrowed in distress. He held his hand out again, fingers reaching for his Prince.  
  
“Yes, it is. I’m everything you know me to be, truly.”  
  
“And how am I supposed to believe anything you say after all this? You _lied_ to me. You _betrayed_ me, Merlin!” Arthur snapped, his voice cracking with emotion.  
  
“I never meant to, never wanted to—”  
  
“I trusted you! I cared for you! I—”  
  
Arthur stopped, cutting himself off and turning his head to one side and closing his eyes for a moment. Merlin’s heart hammered in his chest, and he felt his knees giving way at the implication of Arthur’s stifled words.  
  
“You, what?” he asked in a small voice.  
  
When the Prince opened his eyes, his gaze was hard, angry, once again. He moved closer to Merlin, directing the tip of his sword at him.  
  
“Nothing,” Arthur said coldly. “There’s nothing more to say. You lied and deceived to get close to me; to destroy Camelot.”  
  
“No, no— I would never do anything like that. Not to you.”  
  
“You say that like it matters to you that I’m a person. It only matters that I’m the Crown Prince, because you want to murder me, and my father. You have no conscience, no loyalty, _sorcerer_.”  
  
The words hit Merlin hard in his chest - barbs of hate and sadness from the Prince’s lips straight into his own heart. He couldn’t bear to have Arthur think of him this way.  
  
“Please, Arthur, I can’t help it; I was born this way and I’ve never used my magic to hurt anyone. I’m not here to destroy Camelot, or your father. And especially not you. I could _never_ hurt you.”  
  
Merlin saw Arthur’s jaw muscles twitch at this, and the Prince swallowed hard before speaking again.  
  
“Don’t try to make excuses, servant of darkness - they won’t work on me anymore.”  
  
Frowning and tightening his jaw, Merlin stepped forward toward Arthur’s blade, allowing it to near his chest. He knew it was foolish, but there were things that seemed much more important than his own life at that moment.  
  
“They’re not excuses. It’s the truth. Everything I’ve ever done in this castle, with magic or not, has been for you. I’m your servant—now and always.”  
  
Arthur’s eyes flashed at this, and he lifted his sword in preparation, grabbing Merlin’s shirt in his fist to hold him. The warlock could see the way the Prince’s eyes shone and his mouth pressed into a hard line as he struggled to keep his emotion in.  
  
“Stop lying to me, and telling me it’s the truth!” Arthur cried. “You were only my servant for your own murderous ends. It was nothing other than convenience; just admit it!”  
  
Grasping Arthur’s wrist with his own hand, Merlin pushed against the Prince, the sword slipping harder against his chest. He met Arthur’s furious gaze with his own.  
  
“Bloody hell, Arthur, I’m not out to take over Camelot! Don’t you think I would have killed you and Uther already if that was my intent? I’ve had hundreds of chances where I could have murdered you both without anyone knowing it was me, but I haven’t done it. Because I don’t _want_ to.”  
  
Arthur was quiet for a moment, but he shook his head and then leaned close, narrowing his eyes.  
  
“Or maybe you just _can’t_. Too afraid, now you’re here. Or incapable - thought you were a more powerful sorcerer than you actually are, and your magics won’t work in these walls.”  
  
His frustration spilling over, Merlin closed the gap between himself and Arthur with a snarl on his lips.  
  
“The only thing I fear is hurting those I care about with the magic that’s inside me,” he shouted. “Sometimes it’s too powerful for me to control. It frightens me what I _am_ capable of.”  
  
Arthur laughed coldly, pressing the blade of his sword harder against the blue fabric of Merlin’s shirt.  
  
“You? Powerful? You may be a sorcerer, but it’s clear your strengths lie in deception and betrayal, and that your magics are underhanded. You could never wield _true_ power.”  
  
At this, Merlin’s eyes glowed gold and stayed that way as he threw Arthur off him, the sword slipping out of range of his body.  
  
The air in the room grew thick and began to crackle and hum, the sound of an ill thunder rumbling within the stone walls and the floor beneath their feet. A heavy, indigo-inked mist appeared around Merlin, who now had feet planted apart and arms out by his sides, hands open and fingers splayed. His head had dropped forward, and the Prince watched – half astonished, half frightened – as the warlock’s eyes glowed brighter gold and the whites of them became flooded with black.  
  
“The power I wield is true, believe me,” Merlin growled, his voice now sounding as though he were speaking in an empty chamber. “I feel it always; in me and around me, calling for me. When I call back and let it take over, I know I have the ability to control life and death, and everything else in this world.”  
  
Blue and black electricity arced over and around Merlin, a powerful wind whipping his hair, the fabric of his clothes and everything in the Prince’s chambers. He took slow steps toward Arthur, though it appeared as though he wasn’t even touching the floor anymore, and the dark mist followed him, sweeping up around his body and toward the Prince. The pale, pointed features of Merlin’s face seemed to fade away into darkness so all that was left were his eyes and the hollow of his mouth as he spoke.  
  
“You always did underestimate me, Arthur. And maybe for many things, you have a reason to. But magic is one thing you should definitely not underestimate in me.”  
  
He lifted a hand, directing it at Arthur, and with a tilt of his head, slid the startled Prince across the floor until he was pressed against the stone of the wall. Arthur struggled, his sword still in his grasp, but the warlock just shifted his hand higher to pin him in place, still advancing.  
  
The glass in the windows rattled and the furniture in the room jumped back to clear a path for Merlin as he approached the Prince, his eyes still alight with the gold glow of sorcery. The flames that had illuminated the Prince’s chambers became extinguished with the flick of the warlock’s other fingers, and the bolts on the doors locked of their own accord. All colour except that of gold and navy seemed to drain from the room and from Merlin himself, bathing everything in an eerie gloom.  
  
Arthur struggled in place again, his eyes wide now as he stared at his servant; transformed from the bumbling but loyal idiot he knew into a creature of great darkness, power and magic in just a few breaths. He had never felt so overwhelmed and frightened in the presence of Merlin before, and the words that came from him were panicked and unbidden.  
  
“I did – I did underestimate you,” he choked. “So now you have your chance. Do it. Get it over with.”  
  
By this time, Merlin had reached Arthur’s position against the wall, and some illumination returned to his face to reveal a cold grin across his features. His blackened eyes met Arthur’s and he lifted his hand up between them, curling his fingers in the air a little. Arthur squirmed and began to choke.  
  
“It would be so easy, wouldn’t it?” Merlin murmured. “Kill you now and blame it on outside sorcery. After all, who would believe I was capable of controlling such power? A useless, idiot of a servant boy practising magic? Not likely.”  
  
Arthur’s eyes bulged and he gasped as he stared down at Merlin, his arms still pinned at his sides by fierce, unseen forces. He could feel his head becoming fuzzy and his vision starting to blacken as the lack of oxygen began to take effect.  
  
“ _Merlin_...” he managed to choke.  
  
Then the invisible hand around his throat was gone, air rushing back into his lungs, and he found he had use of his arms again. Merlin had stepped back, his hand dropping from in front of him.  
  
“I could do all that you said. I am physically capable,” Merlin said. “But in my heart, I am not.”  
  
The colour began to return to the room, the dark mist dispersing, and as Arthur looked up from his crumpled position at the wall, he saw the black and shadow disappearing from Merlin himself. The rumbles of thunder faded away and one last weak arc of lightning passed over the warlock before the glow vanished entirely from his eyes.  
  
“I could never harm you,” Merlin said, his voice quiet now. “Even if I were in league with sorcerers who wished to see Camelot destroyed, I would never let anything happen to you.”  
  
Arthur gathered his wits, remembering he still had his sword in his hand, and staggered back up, pointing the blade at Merlin again.  
  
“You should have taken your chance, warlock,” Arthur breathed. “I will show no mercy now that I know what you can do.”  
  
Merlin gave him a sad smile and stepped close again.  
  
He dropped to his knees and stared up at the Prince.  
  
Arthur’s blade came to the side of his neck, the metal cold against his skin.  
  
“I am your servant and you are my Prince. Though magic is in my blood, the need to protect you is what lives in my heart.”  
  
Arthur swallowed, a slight tremble in his arm as he held the sword tighter.  
  
“You continue to lie to me, even after all this.”  
  
Merlin smiled again, slightly wider this time, and leaned into the blade.  
  
“There’s no lies; only truth. This is what I am, and what I feel,” he said, his eyes shining with emotion. “If that means I need to die tonight by your hand, then so be it. I give my life willingly for you.”  
  
“ _Stop_ ,” Arthur said, his voice shaking.  
  
“If I am to be executed for sorcery, then there’s no-one I’d rather have do it than you,” Merlin continued. “You are my master, my Prince, my friend, and my lover. Everything I didn’t even know I wanted I’ve found in you.”  
  
Merlin closed his eyes, the moonlight shining on his face through the window, and a tear slid down his cheek as he smiled again.  
  
“I am at your mercy, my lord.”  
  
  
~*~


End file.
